Good Moms Listen

Good moms listen. Yes, I want my kids to listen to me. But do you know what I’ve learned? It starts with me. That’s right. If I want them to listen to me, I must listen to them. And it starts early when they’re very young. When my kids were really little, they needed me to listen and pay attention to their whines and cries so that I could understand and best meet their needs.

Listening to Your Kids

Not every cry was an “I’m hungry” or “I’m hurting” cry. I had to listen intently to distinguish between their cries when they did not yet have the words to communicate. Though too young to be able to talk and verbalize, they relied on me to respond to their needs, wants, and pains. They depended on my ability and willingness to listen.

It wasn’t much different as they grew older. Although they learned the words, age still inhibited them from effectively communicating their needs. They still depended on me to listen to understand their intended meaning.

When I listened carefully, I knew when they felt tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. And I could tell the difference because I was with them all the time and had come to know their little signals. Often, I knew they felt tired before they did. I knew when they felt over-stimulated, even when they insisted they were not, and I knew when they felt afraid, even when they didn’t want to admit it.

As I listened to my children and sought to provide for them, they came to learn that they could trust me, that they could count on me to take care of them, to help and protect them. Because I have long valued their little whines, groans, and sighs, they allowed me to listen to their hearts and to hear their hopes, dreams, fears, concerns, and hurts.

Your Kids Listening to You

They learned to listen to me, too. The familiar sounds of my heartbeat, breathing, and sighs soothed them as they rested in my arms as youngsters. The soft patter of my feet across the floor alerted them of my approach. They listened and took comfort in my humming, whispers, and laughter. My smile and silly faces said something to them even before words had meaning.

As they grew, words took on meaning and were mimicked and repeated. Questions flew rapidly as they practiced their newfound skill of forming sentences. Some would say that this is when real communication starts. But a mother knows that communication has long been established and that words just make it seem more real.

We want our kids to listen to us when we talk so that we can pass along valuable information and wisdom. But as I said, if we want them to really listen to us—not just hear, but really listen—we must first listen to them. Yes, this is important when they are little, but the importance of listening only increases as they get older. By the time they are teenagers, we need to have earned their trust and respect. We establish trust and respect by listening to them.

Good Moms are Good Listeners

Good mothers are good listeners. They don’t just listen to the sounds their children make, but they also listen to body language, facial expressions, moods, and interactions. They listen to their children’s schoolwork, worship, sleeping patterns, diet, entertainment choices, and, of course, their words.

Good moms listen to the questions behind the questions, the issues behind the acting out, and the hurts behind the shows of disrespect. Good mothers don’t rush to answer. Instead, they pause to really hear. There is no intimidation of the silence, and they don’t pretend to know what they don’t. They don’t hide their emotions because they know that tears aren’t meant to be stuffed deep down inside.

We all aspire to be good moms. But we often think that means giving our kids stuff, toys, money, or vacations. But the secret to being a good mother is the same as it has always been. It’s what kids need most and what we often overlook, try to replace, and substitute with entertainment. It’s free and simple, yet it seems so difficult for us to give. It’s our time.

This isn’t a new insight. We all know this. Good moms listen. Listening takes time — lots of time. We cannot schedule or compartmentalize listening. It should not be limited, put off, or ignored. Our kids need to be heard. They want to be known. They communicate in a million different ways, and our challenge is to learn their language.

Let us determine to be good listeners and intentionally take time today to listen to our kids — what they are saying and what they are not saying. Let us resolve to lay down a foundation of listening now that we can continue to build on for years to come.

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